Current mood:	apathetic
Current music:	tbs- theres no i in team

errr trying to update n stupid things keep redirecting me, so i loose my entry, this is why im getting so stressed it may seem pathetic, even to myself, but my computer is so much of my life and when it doesnt work properly nor do i, its like ET and elliot :(
ive missed my deadjournal, i have been paying more attention to livejournal coz all the communites seem to be over there, but this journal has so many memories for me, dont think i can abandon it.
im so irrational at the mo, im not functioning like a normal person, i really think i am psychologically inequipt to deal with education, it just has to many negative assoociations for me it totally fucks with my head even tho i so wanna do this course i just dont think ill get thru it. people say live in the moment and i do and thats the problem, i cant see past the moment and its depressing so the moment is depressing causing me to be depressed which sucks something awful rite now.
i hate this time of year i really do, never more is there a time when id feel happy dead or even just locked up devoid of any responsibility or commitment to anything or anyone.
i have a fuckign test tomorrow and ive not even revised, thats what im meant to be doing now but i cant whioch is fucked coz usually i am able to revise its essays i cant do, i just feel like im gonna fuck up this first year and not even get thru to year two. this test is 40% of our grade for lens and sound craft and i dunno how i did on the second half so if i fuck this then i could well and truely be screwed, i know i fucked up the two essays coz they were all done in a nite, and i dont even wanna think about revision for the other exam.
meh, stuff sucks, and i feel like i should de-age and be like 15 again or something coz then maybe feeling like this would make more sense. but whatever